So I have this friend.... Her trip to Target

So I have this friend... She called me this morning in tears... I wasn't quite sure what to say so I just sat quietly, unwrapped the Dove chocolates for her, and listened... This is what she said...

"I only have a few minutes-- I just have to vent. I have to cry and tell SOMEBODY about it so that I can go about the rest of my day! Ok- so you know my ex-husband stopped paying child support, right? In a perfect world, that's fine-- it was actually the only thing he contributed to his offspring outside of his sperm anyway... So that's a HUGE dent in the family budget. THEN there's the new husband's employment situation... OH! And it just breaks my heart! I mean, can you believe it?! I've NEVER known a guy to work so hard-- I mean-- RIDICULOUSLY HARD-- with so much heart-- so loved by-like-- EVERYONE that sees him-- and yet he gets TOTALLY taken advantage of! SERIOUSLY! I don't even know where to begin with that!

"Ok-- that takes me back to the whole ex-spouse thing.... All I can say about her is PIECE OF WORK! I'd get started on that, but I'm pretty sure I'd have a stroke... Hasn't helped pay for a thing, doesn't care, isn't going to-- not unlike my ex spouse.... Makes you wonder where we found those two, doesn't it? Of course, were it not for them then we wouldn't have our kids-- so I guess there's that....

"Ok-- so where was I? Oh yeah. Ok-- so I have to go to the electric company by 9 am or they are going to turn our power off-- OUR POWER! Nice, right? And if THAT's not enough to just make you want to be sick, I've got to figure out a way to pay for the electricity at the place I volunteer at too... I promised I take care of it this month only I haven't got the slightest idea how I'm going to make that happen when I can't even take care of my own!

"I spent all day yesterday helping this one family get their cat out of a tree-- really sad situation. No one else would help them and their insurance won't cover a thing. Finally got them squared away just in time to go to two other meetings at two other shelters with animal control. And the issues on the table just seem so simple to me! They're hungry-- feed them already! So you think they should have steak every night? Well, that's not likely... Would you settle for 3 out of 7 nights? Better yet, can we just agree on something well balanced? Ah-- now that's more like it....

"Then I get home and I feel like a complete failure. I mean, my pets all look completely unloved. I'm tired-- too tired to take them out for a walk like I had promised. I was even hoping the birds had some food left over from the night before so I didn't have to take the time to cut up an apple. CUT UP AN APPLE! Did you hear me?! I mean, how lame am I? Like it takes that long to cut up an apple?! My husband seemed sad because I was sad and stressed. We've both been pretty stressed. He's been pretty hurt lately-- we both have. We belong to this group-- usually meets every weekend. Well, he was such good friends with most everyone there. As a matter of fact, he'd told me on more than one occasion that one fella in particular was his best friend.... Lately we haven't been going. Been looking for reasons not to go. We're actually kind of nervous about taking the dogs with us. Got the feeling that not everyone in the group is as comfortable with the dogs as they had led us to believe. Afraid someone might get bit. I don't know-- it's a disaster really. We needed that group. We love that group. We are so hurt.

"So I was feeling totally hopeless, completely responsible, like a failure. I had to make a quick stop at the store for some treats and I ran into a friend that I haven't seen in a long, long time. She quickly reminded me that my oldest was only a year old when she got married 14 years ago, that my youngest is getting ready to have another birthday. Suddenly a life from long ago flashed before my eyes..."

For the first time since she started talking, my friend took a breath, paused, and then with tears in her eyes continued in a much slower pace.....

"I remembered a time when I had only one child and had no idea what it was like to want or need anything for her future. I remembered nearly losing a second child and how the pain of that period of time was greater than any I'd ever known and any I've known since. I was reminded that I am loved beyond all comprehension by a very special man that God gave me-- not because I chose right the first time, but because my God-- you see-- He's got a plan for me. He's got a plan and a purpose for everything under Heaven. I realized yet again that all of the 'things' clouding my mind were just temporary hurdles and that not one of them-- not a single one-- was too big or too much of a surprise to separate me, my husband, or my precious family from the all powerful hand of God.

I wasn't sure what to say. "Sounds to me like you're doing just fine," is all I could come up with.... "Why'd you come here to cry?"

"Well," she said, "I guess I just needed someone this side of Heaven to hear it too.... Besides, there was NO WAY I could have unwrapped all of that chocolate and kept the car on the road!"

Two things-- maybe three... First, the names, situations, and circumstances have been altered to protect the innocent (and the guilty for that matter). Second, I am sharing this with you because I think we all have days like this. Sure, we'd all like to think we can just pray about it and react positively, but the truth is we're human and sometimes-- maybe even more often than we'd like-- we just don't. Life on this planet stinks sometimes-- it just does. It is what it is. You get what you get. Third, just as certain as I am that you get what you get-- I am equally as certain of this--- failure is not falling down, but refusing to get back up... And as a Christian, with God by your side to carry the load-- or even to carry you-- what could possibly be your excuse for not getting back up?!

Here's to my chatty friend and her unexpected encounter at the store.... Hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me!

Leslie

Dancing in the Rain

I can't believe Labor Day has already come and gone! Where does time go?! It seems like the summer was just beginning-- I blinked and Labor Day had come and gone! And the rain! I don't know where you are or what the weather is like there, but it has been raining here for the last 3 glorious days! It's cool, steady, wonderful rain-- much welcomed relief from the dry heat and summer sun.

Michael and Isaac headed back to work and to school today. The two little boys and I are home for one final day of the long holiday weekend. (It's parent-teacher conference day...) It's been a suprisingly tough school year for Matthew and Joshua so far. Maybe I should rephrase that. It's been a surprisingly tough school year for Michael and I so far....

I don't know. What is it like to have typical kids? Seriously. Matthew and Josh aren't likely to sit down and strike up a conversation with you. Heck-- Joshua hasn't really said much of anything yet and he'll be 7 in October.... We've known for some time that underneath the cloud of anxiety that seems to follow Matthew with his autism-- he's a very bright little boy. He spends hours and hours watching educational videos about wildlife. He has hundreds of books about big cats and jungle animals. He loves to play on the computer. When Michael and Isaac joined our family Matthew really began to blossom. I am still amazed when I see the Matthew that we know today and compare him to the Matthew we knew just a little over a year ago.

And Josh-a-bosh. Sometimes I think he's reading all of the time. Of course, there's really no way to tell because he's not compelled to share any of that with the rest of us. He's always been fascinated with letters and patterns. He seeks symmetry and order in ways that I would otherwise overlook. I'm sure there is a very complex mind behind those precious little eyes. Sadly, in all of his 6 years on this earth I haven't yet figured out how to get inside-- I don't even know how to get an invitation inside that mind of his. Joshua has also blossomed under the loving, tender care of Michael and Isaac. There is no question that they have been able to forge very powerful connections with that little boy.

So-- this afternoon-- like so many afternoons, mornings, and evenings-- I was secretly feeling incredibly defeated. It seems like there's always a storm raging-- there's always a battle to be won. I can't just take for granted that the boys are going to learn to read or write. I can't assume that we'll always be able to go to church as a family or that the boys will ever have the opportunity to hear about the saving grace of Jesus Christ from anyone other than Michael and I. I can't afford every kind of therapy there is out there for autism and then some. I don't know that we'll always be able to afford their medicine and medical care. There are just so many things that they need-- so many things that come so easily to children and families that don't have special needs--- so many things that just take so much more work--- so many reasons to be so completely overwhelmed.....

For a few minutes this afternoon, I decided to take both of the boys out onto the back porch. It's rainy and quite chilly-- so we didn't stay out there long.... Matthew asked me to take him outside. I think he just needed to see for himself how chilly it actually was.... Once outside, I asked Matthew what he wanted to do. "Dance, Mommy, dance!" And so-- with Josh on one hip and Matthew holding the other arm-- we danced outside in the rain. We giggled and twirled and jiggled and got down right cold and wet. We probably weren't out there for more than 3 or 4 minutes, but during those 3 or 4 minutes none of the things that I wasn't seemed to matter. We didn't solve any of the world's problems, re-write any IEP goals, or develop any new Sunday School curriculum. We didn't solve our family budget issues, find a cheaper, bigger family car, or even figure out what to make for dinner. We just laughed and danced--albeit awkwardly-- in the rain.

Then it hit me. It was another postcard from above... During those few minutes outside the storm didn't matter as much as my willingness to stop and dance with them in the rain. I'm not sure who said it, but I recently stumbled on a quote that says "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning how to dance in the rain." Ok-- so not exactly Scriptural-- but how about these verses from the book of James (1:2-3)? "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

It's almost time for dinner. Another day has almost come and gone. I'm still no closer to solving the world's problems than I was when I started. The boys aren't any less affected by their autism. As a matter of fact, our circumstances haven't changed at all. But tonight there's a crockpot full of soup in the kitchen, candles on the fireplace, clean- sweet smelling little boys eagerly awaiting the arrival of their daddy after a long day at work, and lots and lots of love and laughter. Tonight-- once again-- I find myself blessed and humbled by all of the good things He has done and continues to do in and around this house. I am joyful to know that there is no trial too big, no test too tough that it can ever separate me from my Father above! I am thankful for His loving reminder that He is always more than enough....

Now it's your turn! Leave your umbrella in the house and go dance in the rain! Give it a try!Leslie

God's Supply and Blessings

Ever find yourself wondering why things are the way they are? Ever wonder what it would be like to have enough money to pay the house payment AND the electric bill? Ever wonder why your brother's kids are so precious and perfect and typical and yours aren't? Ever wonder why God allows "bad things to happen to good people?" Ever wonder why He chooses to answer some prayers and seems to ignore others?

Well, I do-- all of the time. I'd love to say that those questions were ones that I made up for the sake of this blog, but the truth is I wonder about those things all of the time. Now if you know me, I am hopeful that you would describe me as an upbeat, positive individual that never takes no as an answer, enjoys conquering the seemingly impossible, and believes with all of my heart that we can never, never give up.... And, on most days, I am that person (or at least I think I am).

Last week I was sitting in my office. A friend came by to visit and we ended up talking about the mission and ministry of Faces of Hope. Sometimes I almost feel defensive when people ask me why on earth we keep doing what we do in the face of such adversity. I have a love-hate relationship with the statement that "God's work done in God's way is never short of God's supply." I believe the statement itself to be absolutely true. It's our interpretation of "God's supply" that gives me pause. What is His supply anyway? Does that mean we'll always have enough to pay the bills we think are important? Does that mean we'll never feel like giving up--that we'll never question our true calling simply because the water isn't nearly as still as we imagined it would be when we took that first step out of the boat?

A few hours after the conversation in my office, God sent me a postcard-- it's something He does all of the time... This one was in the form of a song.... I'll insert a link below, but the words go something like this:

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace,
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering.
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?
And what if the trials of this life--
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights--
Are Your mercies in disguise.

Easter is upon us. I can't help but think of that horrible day when Christ was nailed to the cross. I wonder if any of the people that were watching thought that it might not have been God's work done in His way? I mean, it must have seems as though God's supply had run short-- especially when Christ cried out in agony and the sky turned black as night.

Those onlookers would have been right-- had Christ's body been in that grave 3 days later. Miraculously-- in a way that only He can-- God displayed His mighty hand, erased our suffering, and healed us with His tears and the blood of His only Son. In an instant, His mercies were no longer disguised!

I still don't have all of the answers that I'd like to have. I'm not going to lie and say that my flesh feels any better about the burdens it has to bear. I can't explain the aching of this life and I don't understand why it aches more for some than for others, but I do know this: I know His mercy, I've seen His grace, and I've felt His healing. And I am certain that the "trials of this life-- the rain, the storms, the hardest nights-- are His mercies in disguise."

Happy Hope-Filled Easter to you all!
Leslie

While I Was Waiting....

Four years ago today life for the boys and I changed for forever. It was 4 days after our ninth wedding anniversary. Brian had decided it was best if he left. It was just one more heartache-- we had weathered so many with Matthew's autism and Joshua's birth, heart failure and surgery. Shortly after that Joshua was diagnosed with autism, I began having heart problems of my own, and then Faces of Hope was born.

I can remember praying, sobbing to the Lord several times a day, begging Him to deliver us from the hurts and struggles. I can remember telling Him exactly what I needed to be a good single Mom and to get Faces of Hope off the ground. I thought I was incredibly convincing. Nothing was going our way and every time we took one step forward we seemed to run two or three steps back! I was so frustrated! In hindsight, I'm so glad we're no longer living in Old Testament times! I'm pretty sure some of my attitude filled prayers would have resulted in me spontaneously combusting or turning into a pillar of salt or something!

I was reading the other day and came across the following statement: "God never withholds something good unless He has something better...." Then yesterday someone said "Sometimes things need to fall apart to fall into place." Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to give you hope and a future." I felt a little like He was smacking me on the head with a 2 x 4! How guilty I have been of thinking God had forgotten us or that He was "withholding the good!" Over the past few years I've been learning a great deal. Most of it has been about waiting--- and I SOOOO hate to wait!

I can't help but think of the Isrealites and Joshua. Remember when they crossed the Red Sea? The city of Jericho was just in their reach and God told Joshua that they needed to stop and wait. They must have been so frustrated! They knew Jericho was theirs and they were ready for a fight. Instead, God told them that they all needed to be circumcised! YIKES! Can you imagine being that close to an enemy and so vulernable? God wanted the Isrealites to get themselves right before Him, He wanted them to be obedient in circumcision. He gave them time to heal and He got their attention. He made sure they were listening to Him. Had He allowed them to go directly from the miracle of the parting of the Red Sea to Jericho they would have never been able to quietly march around that city and follow God's direction. In much the same way, during the past few years God has been slowing me down, healing my brokeness, and strengthening me for what is to come. He was getting my attention! I needed to practice "being still" and listening to His prompting.

You see, while I was waiting for Him to prepare His perfect plan, He was preparing ME for His perfect plan!

God has been so good to us. He has blessed me, my family, and Faces of Hope more than I ever imagined He could-- and He continues to do so. This morning His newest gift to me, Michael and Seth Lee, and I attended Joshua's preschool graduation. Immediately after that Michael and Igot our marriage license. MARRIAGE LICENSE! That's right-- in a few short weeks I will be retiring my title as "single mom" and embracing a love like I've never known before and most assuredly from Heaven above. God has sent me Michael and his sons Seth and Isaac. If you ever hear Michael speak of these past few years He will tell you that it has been a time of healing and redirection in His life as well. Had we met any sooner than we did, had we been blessed with what we perceived to be "good," we would have completely missed out on "better."

While I was waiting I fell in love with my Savior. Only then was I ready for the blessings He has had in store. Talk about worth the wait!

Love you guys.

Leslie