I can't believe Labor Day has already come and gone! Where does time go?! It seems like the summer was just beginning-- I blinked and Labor Day had come and gone! And the rain! I don't know where you are or what the weather is like there, but it has been raining here for the last 3 glorious days! It's cool, steady, wonderful rain-- much welcomed relief from the dry heat and summer sun.
Michael and Isaac headed back to work and to school today. The two little boys and I are home for one final day of the long holiday weekend. (It's parent-teacher conference day...) It's been a suprisingly tough school year for Matthew and Joshua so far. Maybe I should rephrase that. It's been a surprisingly tough school year for Michael and I so far....
I don't know. What is it like to have typical kids? Seriously. Matthew and Josh aren't likely to sit down and strike up a conversation with you. Heck-- Joshua hasn't really said much of anything yet and he'll be 7 in October.... We've known for some time that underneath the cloud of anxiety that seems to follow Matthew with his autism-- he's a very bright little boy. He spends hours and hours watching educational videos about wildlife. He has hundreds of books about big cats and jungle animals. He loves to play on the computer. When Michael and Isaac joined our family Matthew really began to blossom. I am still amazed when I see the Matthew that we know today and compare him to the Matthew we knew just a little over a year ago.
And Josh-a-bosh. Sometimes I think he's reading all of the time. Of course, there's really no way to tell because he's not compelled to share any of that with the rest of us. He's always been fascinated with letters and patterns. He seeks symmetry and order in ways that I would otherwise overlook. I'm sure there is a very complex mind behind those precious little eyes. Sadly, in all of his 6 years on this earth I haven't yet figured out how to get inside-- I don't even know how to get an invitation inside that mind of his. Joshua has also blossomed under the loving, tender care of Michael and Isaac. There is no question that they have been able to forge very powerful connections with that little boy.
So-- this afternoon-- like so many afternoons, mornings, and evenings-- I was secretly feeling incredibly defeated. It seems like there's always a storm raging-- there's always a battle to be won. I can't just take for granted that the boys are going to learn to read or write. I can't assume that we'll always be able to go to church as a family or that the boys will ever have the opportunity to hear about the saving grace of Jesus Christ from anyone other than Michael and I. I can't afford every kind of therapy there is out there for autism and then some. I don't know that we'll always be able to afford their medicine and medical care. There are just so many things that they need-- so many things that come so easily to children and families that don't have special needs--- so many things that just take so much more work--- so many reasons to be so completely overwhelmed.....
For a few minutes this afternoon, I decided to take both of the boys out onto the back porch. It's rainy and quite chilly-- so we didn't stay out there long.... Matthew asked me to take him outside. I think he just needed to see for himself how chilly it actually was.... Once outside, I asked Matthew what he wanted to do. "Dance, Mommy, dance!" And so-- with Josh on one hip and Matthew holding the other arm-- we danced outside in the rain. We giggled and twirled and jiggled and got down right cold and wet. We probably weren't out there for more than 3 or 4 minutes, but during those 3 or 4 minutes none of the things that I wasn't seemed to matter. We didn't solve any of the world's problems, re-write any IEP goals, or develop any new Sunday School curriculum. We didn't solve our family budget issues, find a cheaper, bigger family car, or even figure out what to make for dinner. We just laughed and danced--albeit awkwardly-- in the rain.
Then it hit me. It was another postcard from above... During those few minutes outside the storm didn't matter as much as my willingness to stop and dance with them in the rain. I'm not sure who said it, but I recently stumbled on a quote that says "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning how to dance in the rain." Ok-- so not exactly Scriptural-- but how about these verses from the book of James (1:2-3)? "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
It's almost time for dinner. Another day has almost come and gone. I'm still no closer to solving the world's problems than I was when I started. The boys aren't any less affected by their autism. As a matter of fact, our circumstances haven't changed at all. But tonight there's a crockpot full of soup in the kitchen, candles on the fireplace, clean- sweet smelling little boys eagerly awaiting the arrival of their daddy after a long day at work, and lots and lots of love and laughter. Tonight-- once again-- I find myself blessed and humbled by all of the good things He has done and continues to do in and around this house. I am joyful to know that there is no trial too big, no test too tough that it can ever separate me from my Father above! I am thankful for His loving reminder that He is always more than enough....
Now it's your turn! Leave your umbrella in the house and go dance in the rain! Give it a try!Leslie
